Stalked Book by Tino Struckmann
Tino Struckmann Stalked Book

 



6 tips for avoiding getting involved with a stalker

In our busy and expanded world, the search for the right partner or mate no longer takes place in our neighborhoods among the families of family friends with whom we are familiar. We now get on the internet, searching for Mr. or Ms. Right among the millions of others engaged in similar pursuit. While this certainly broadens the base from which we can choose, it also opens us up to behaviors less likely among people we have known, or who those close to us have known, well.

Recent estimates indicate that in America, over one million women are stalked every year. More than three million are victims of physical violence by past or present intimate partners. Statistics show that:

• Approximately 1.5 million women are stalked every year
• Approximately 4.5 million physical assaults are committed against women by intimate partners annually.
• Studies show that in cases in which stalkers have had an intimate relationship with their victims, risk factors range from 45% to as high as 89 %.

In a healthy relationship, there is mutual respect, honesty, and consideration. There is never a need to control. If you sense that someone needs to control you, leave the relationship before you become the victim of stalking and possible concurrent violence. - Tino Struckmann

HOW DO YOU AVOID GETTING INVOLVED WITH A STALKER?

• From the first meeting, pay close attention to your date’s behavior – Is he or she possessive? Do they get angry if you receive a phone call while they are with you or if you happen to meet up with friends? This kind of possessiveness is a warning signal! It is a tell-tale sign of someone who bolsters their self-esteem by controlling others
• Listen to how your date refers to his or her ex’s – If your date is on good terms with his or her ex’s, chances are their behavior is normal.
• Be honest about who you are and your preferences and see how your date accepts that – If you like to wear mini skirts and your date insists you wear something longer, or if you are a guy who likes T-shirts, and your date insists on a button down with a tie, you may have a problem. Someone who cannot accept you for who you are and who insists that you change is definitely a potential problem.
• Be wary of physical control – It is great to have your date open doors for you, but if they guide you through the date by physically directing your moves, be cautious. This can portend the need to control in all areas of your life.
• Watch how your date interacts with others – Is she polite to servers in restaurants? Does he get angry waiting in line for the valet? How your date treats and reacts to others is a sign of how, once the first blush is off your relationship, he or she might treat you – and just how obsessive they might be about it.
• Trust your intuition – We all have that little voice in the back of our heads that warns us if we are in danger. No matter how much you want to be in a relationship, if that little voice tells you this is not a healthy relationship for you, listen!

Bio: The owner of an international security firm, Tino Struckmann has seen to the personal safety of such well-known figures as Bill Gates, Robert DiNiro, Gloria Gaynor, Danish Queen Margrethe. His company has provided 24-hour security for the concert tours of Britney Spears, Cher, The Rolling Stones and others. Specializing in helping women better protect themselves from stalkers, he has also written an informative book, Stalked, to better educate women about stalkers.

Signs of a Battering Personality
• Jealousy — Abuser will say jealousy is a sign of love.
• Controlling Behavior —Abuser might try to govern where you go, whom you go with, what you wear, etc.
• Quick Involvement — One week you and he are dating and the next week he is expressing his love for you and after a month he is suggesting that the two of you move in together.
• Unrealistic Expectations — Abuser expects partner to meet all of his needs, to know what those needs are without discussing them, to predict his needs before he has them.
• Isolation — An abuser will try to cut you off from all resources, friends, and family.
• Blames Others for Problems — Abusers confront problems with statements such as, "You made me mad."
• Hypersensitivity — Abusers are famous for making mountains out of molehills. For instance, he might say that forgetting to call him means you hate him or that you were trying to hurt him.
• Cruelty to Animals or Children — Abusers will punish animals brutally or will have extremely high expectations of children.
• "Playful" Use of Force in Sex — The force or dominance that may happen is unconsensual.
• Verbal Abuse — Abuser degrades the other person, curses the other, runs down anything the other accomplishes.
• Rigid Sex Roles — Batterer expects the woman to exist for him, to fulfill traditional roles assigned to women: female/passive, male/dominant
• Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde — One minute he’s kind and the next he’s exploding; he’s charming in public and cruel at home.
• Past Battering — Abuser may say he has hit other women in the past, but assure you that they provoked him.
• Threats of Violence — Threats of physical force are often a precursor to future violence.
• Breaking or Striking Objects — Again, breaking or striking other things is often a precursor of coming violence.
• Any Force During an Argument — May involve an abuser holding his partner down, physically restraining her from leaving the room, any pushing, shoving, etc.

 

 

Copyright 2009 © Tino Struckmann